If I had a child, and when they asked me where they came from, I would tell them:

You were created in a top-secret government experiment, in a laboratory. They wanted to make a little boy or girl who can do things like turn invisible, and read minds, and control the weather. One day you'll get your powers.

And as they got older and called me on my shit, I'd tell them I lied to them because:

The real story is even weirder. You came from the inside of a woman. You were the size of a grain of sand, but you grew and grew, and swelled out her stomach, until she couldn't swell anymore and you came out, you had to come out, through her vagina. And she was screaming, and you were screaming even louder, and I was there and I was screaming, because it was terrifying. But that's where you came from.

And then they would never believe another thing I told them ever again.

There are good reasons I am not a parent. But you can be sure I've done my best to fuck up the foster kids whose cases I've managed.